If you’re not my partner or family, you’d never know that I have anger issues. But then, even they know that I have it so under control and willing to learn anger management. You’d say the dark parts of us is often seen by our family and partners, yeah but some people get theirs out in the open without control, so give me some credits.
My quick temper and outbursts get more pronounced during my ovulation period, through to my menstrual flow or sometimes not. Some days I’m more volatile than the others.
When I’m at that phase, I could scream for things that would only require me to talk calmly. Misinterpret gestures or actions to mean more and then react. I often have little or no patience for things I feel don’t sit well with me. I snap at anyone for bugging me or asking silly questions.
Here are ways I handle my anger:
BUY GIFTS FOR YOUR OFFENDER(S)
Sounds crazy right? I love to do this. I’m big on gifts; if you want my heart, give me thoughtful gifts. So I love to assume gifts touch other people the same way. So here’s what I do, if you get me pissed off, I get you a gift and you’d smile and smiles are contagious, so that will make me smile too. Voila! I feel better towards you and with myself. Maybe you should try this. If you can’t afford a gift, try an act of service like being kind in several ways-charging your partner’s phone when it’s low and they forget to, cooking a meal and rubbing feet, or offering a massage. That works too!
TELL YOURSELF TO REMEMBER TIMES YOUR OFFENDER WAS GOOD TO YOU
This here works! I know you’d say we forget everything when we’re mad at the other or feel offended. It’s a conscious act to remember how good the offender has been to you in times past. Just like getting a gift. This will help remind you that maybe they didn’t mean it the way you are taking it, or even if they did, you’d find it easier to forgive and let it go. You’d be asking so what if this person has never done anything good before? That’s a lie and if it were to be true, the next point below is to be considered.
REMEMBER THAT YOUR OFFENDER IS HUMAN
I know you’d say it is a human thing to be angry too. Oh well, you’re right. But it’s also human to offend the other. Do you get it now? So if you can feel anger in you, some committing an offense against you is just as possible. As long as you’re human and dealing with humans, offenses will occur. Knowing and remembering this fact will keep your reaction in check.
REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU MIGHT GET JUDGED BY YOUR REACTION
This should be top on the list! Someone might offend you but your reaction is what everyone will judge you by. They’ll go, “So did you have to shout?” “Those things you said were not nice.” And you’ll say they provoked you but then, everyone will still say, “And so what?”
LOOK FOR SOMEONE OR WAYS TO VENT
If you’re like me that will never feel better until she talks to someone, please do. Don’t allow anyone to shut you up by calling you a gossip, vent! Talk about what the person did and how it made you feel, write about it, or a blend of both. Whatever ways work for you.
WALK AWAY FROM THE OFFENDER AND OFFENSE SCENE
Walk away! If walking away from everything is possible, then please do. And you can apply all other points listed above, after walking away, to get through it.