How to Move from a Failed Relationship

A relationship as used here could be a friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. So if you are looking for how to move on with life after a heartbreak, this is it.

As we go through life, we get to lose relationships we initially thought were made in heaven for us.

The shock and trauma of something that was once perfect turning sour, are better untold. And there comes the fear of shame and the question “where do I keep my face? What will people say?”

As painful as a breakup or failed relationship may be, you should understand that it is a natural phenomenon to lose relationships or for relationships to take a turn for the worse, sometimes. And that we are humans and flawed, so anything can and should be expected from human relationships.

I’m sorry the breakup hurts, I mean thinking back on all you enjoyed and shared, the hopes and promises for the future, it is never easy to move but you’ve got to do this!

Yes you have to move and it’s never an easy one but a necessary one so here we go! I’ve duly stated the steps to take to move past the pain of a failed relationship.

1. Understand that Heartbreak is a Part of Life.

This isn’t the time to say “why me? Didn’t Anita end up with the love of her life? Are my parents not enjoying the best perfect marriage? So why is mine different?”

Resist the urge to ask questions, they will do you no good. It’s not okay to ask questions, the urge will always be there but it’s not okay because it will weigh you down and keep you there. Which isn’t good for your mental health.

As long as you live, you’ll always encounter challenges. You may say that Anita didn’t have a heartbreak story but you never can tell whether she had before she finally settled? And even if she didn’t, there are other battles in life that Anita is fighting. And what if she doesn’t have any, your timeline in life isn’t the same as Anita’s, so let it rest.

Remember this is your life and it’s unique. You’re doing just fine, trust me!

2. Accept the Fact that It has Happened to Move On.

Oh yes, it has happened. Sometimes you’d want to think that it’s a nightmare and you’d one day wake up from it but no, it is what it is. Denial will only prolong your pain. This is because one day you’ll still be forced to accept the bitter truth. Accept it first so that you can begin to work towards self-care and healing.

3. Don’t Hope for a Miracle unless it’s Moving On.

Unless the miracle you’re hoping for is to move on quickly from the hurts of your failed relationship, don’t hope for any miracle like reconciliation or evil befalling people who hurt you.

We are always tempted to hope for these things but they only bring us temporary relief, and if our hopes don’t materialize, it spirals us back to the former place of pain.

Work on moving on, forget Karma or reconciliation. Yes, you can do this and you will!

4. Don’t Use Another Relationship to Heal.

Unless you want to create more pain for yourself, don’t look for another relationship, which is often a rebound, just to get over a present pain. You’re only setting yourself up for pains and prolonged heartaches.

Focus your energy on other things and if you must love and be loved, it should never be from the place of loneliness. It should not be from a need to fill up a vacuum that has been created by the other. Let it rather be from a certainty that what you are going into, is way removed from your pain and desperation.

But it’s always advisable to give yourself time to heal.

5. Cut All Ties

“But that will make me look like taking it too far”, you’d say, but no, cut those ties! You’d say but there were few good relationships my relationship with the person brought to me, but no.

Unless it’s a business relationship (which would require you to use the money you’d be making from there to work on enjoying and moving on), please cut all ties.

Block him on all social media handles and remove him from your contact list. Do the same to all his family members and friends. What will they think? Isn’t that childish? You’d say. But this isn’t about them. All you should care about is your healing and you should focus on that.

You can explain to them later, possibly in the future, if you so wish, why you had to cut them off. 

In the case of Divorce where kids are involved, cut ties with their people and friends and maintain only cordial relationships with your ex for visiting rights for your kids. The relationship should never be beyond where the kids are involved. Make it as cordial as possible but never friends.

You can be cool with each other, in the future when you are sure that you have moved and healed, but only for the children’s sake, never anything intimate or personal.

6. Do the Things You’ve Always Wanted to Do.

 I understand that some relationships tie us down and prevent us from doing or exploring some things we would have loved to, at certain stages.

Now, this is the time to go ahead and do all that. It could be chasing a career dream, certificate, or a lifestyle; just go ahead if it isn’t illegal or immoral. Get that hairstyle, go for that vacation, pursue that career.

Yeah, it may be that your partner didn’t stop you but responsibilities did or maybe you only just fantasized and waved them. This is the time to consider those things deeply and go for them.

They will keep you occupied, give you a new level of exposure and feelings and help move you faster from your pain. Trying new things is therapeutic.

7. When you are Ready, Get into a Fresh Relationship

Yes please, don’t be so occupied by things for so long that you refuse to give other people the chance to love you, and for you to love back.

A great love, at the right time, after healing, erases most of the scars and makes things even more beautiful after you’ve worked hard to move.

8. Remember that your Ex isn’t your Friend!

Reject the urge to reconnect and become friends with your ex after you’ve healed.

Trying to become friends with your ex again is alienating them from the guilt and fact that they caused you pain. Let the guilt and fact that they were the bad guys and that whatever they did to you was bad, eat them up.

Even if they don’t act as if it does, or maybe it doesn’t even bug them that they did anything wrong, don’t become their friends again.

You’ve forgiven yeah, but what you felt shouldn’t be watered down, because when you befriend them again, you water it down!