Gone are days when the character of a woman was her pride or greatest asset; nowadays her beauty is her pride. Gone were days when a man married his heartthrob because of her piety, sound moral character and lineage, but now, many marry for ulterior motives such as family background; in short for lucre or material considerations.
These, among many reasons, cause some marital hazards and the multitudinous rate of divorce in our country, particularly the northern part.
I get bewildered whenever I hear a story of divorce particularly involving the newly wedded related to a new marriage. Nowadays, a lot of such new marriages sink like the Titanic ship resulting in permanent or irreversible separation.
A lot of people have a wrong assumption about what true love is. True love simply means seeing a couple honouring, respecting, appreciating, admiring and celebrating each other. It also means living and growing old together under the same roof as spouses.
At times, one may see a couple, before marriage, loving each other as if they would swallow each other. They become so intimate and nobody wants to see the faults of his or her beloved; and they do everything possible to make each other happy by avoiding all forms of misunderstanding.
Such a couple may be seen quarrelling and fighting each other a few days after marriage as if they were enemies their entire life.
It is obvious to see a spouse, after a long courtship, beating, insulting or cursing his wife openly. It is also possible to see him throwing her belongings and chasing her like a sheep to her parental home. He may be seen holding and tearing her clothes in public irrespective of her nakedness. What a marital catastrophe!
Sometimes, women too causes this. They shamelessly insult or disrespect their in-laws in the presence of all. At times, they even consider them as their co-wives. It is common for a spouse to query her husband the reason for buying his mother, sisters, relatives or friends so and so things or give them some amount of money without her consent. Such wives take their husbands’ family as enemies.
Despite all these, it is inhuman and also unmanly for a man to fight a woman. It is an act of cowardice and gutlessness for a man to raise a voice over a female’s. Women’s life is always at stake irrespective of her age, and no matter how promising a woman’s future is, a man decides her fate.
Our cultures and traditions do not basically favour women but men. A woman is blamed when a marriage fails, and men are justified in any action they take. She may be cheated, beaten, denied all her rights as a spouse, cursing her at any slight mistake or being divorced at any slight provocation. At last, parents, relatives and society may be pointing an accusing finger at her for the breakdown of the marriage. From there, she may be facing torture from any angle instead of being assisted.
Presently, women are been physically, mentally and psychologically tormented. Some spend months or years without attending to the needs of their families by failing to feed, clothe and educate them! The worst part of the story is how they stop visiting their legitimate partners.
Nowadays, the burden of marriage is rested on the shoulders of mothers. Men have become devilish, using women like clothes to put on and remove at will.
This has generated a lack of respect and loyalty between a father and his children as he fails to cater for their needs. A father has no right over his children except if their mother tells them what to do. They no longer see their father as an important figure to them. Only their mother has a value on in their face.
According to some, all such things happen as people make a great mistake when it comes to choosing the right spouse. Many things carry them away instead of character, lineage or religion.
Some marry because of sex, money, someone’s appearance, nice stature, pretty faces among others. When such things start disappearing, the marriage collapses like a pack of cards because it lacks a solid foundation of true love.
However, majority of spouses discuss their relationship or marriage with outsiders. Such outsiders spoil the relationship at will.
One must know that, what makes a relationship awesome is not how well you understand each other but how well you avoid misunderstanding.
Couples must complement each other, calling and sending text messages, if possible, dropping a love message before going out, helping her with some house choirs such as cooking, preparing the bed, or ironing her clothes. These and many more are the secrets of lasting marriage not buying expensive gifts or driving the latest cars.
Let’s put our hands together to save our home from the unnecessary act of divorce. Let’s create harmony in our marital homes and not a hell of a nuptial home.
As for you, the husband, love the heart of your spouse not her body. To you too, a dear wife, love his heart too, not his pocket.
The greatest failures of marriage are a lack of understanding and patience! Let these two fundamental words be taken into cognizance whenever it comes to judgement or making a decision on marital affairs.
Garba writes from Kano via [email protected]; 08069771400.